{"id":1991,"date":"2017-06-15T17:08:21","date_gmt":"2017-06-15T21:08:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/?p=1991"},"modified":"2017-06-16T16:03:29","modified_gmt":"2017-06-16T20:03:29","slug":"guest-blog-from-carlen-maddux","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/guest-blog-from-carlen-maddux\/","title":{"rendered":"Guest blog from Carlen Maddux!"},"content":{"rendered":"<header class=\"entry-header\">\n<h1 class=\"entry-title p-name\" data-content-field=\"title\">What I Heard on My Book Tour<\/h1>\n<p>I&#8217;m back in St. Pete from my 10-day \u201cbook tour\u201d in Tennessee. Believe it or not, hometown friends even asked me to return to Cookeville.<em> LOL<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I shared our story with 160 or more folks at the Alzheimer&#8217;s Tennessee conference in Knoxville and at to venues in Cookeville. On top of those, I also had two media interviews, which may come out later.<\/p>\n<p class=\"entry-title p-name\" data-content-field=\"title\">Those attending had questions and made a lot of comments, a few of which I\u2019ll pass along to you.<\/p>\n<\/header>\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_148\" class=\"entry-content\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_147\" class=\"e-content\">\n<div id=\"item-592ed61e725e25d1a6ccbcb1\" class=\"sqs-layout sqs-grid-12 columns-12\" data-layout-label=\"Post Body\" data-type=\"item\" data-updated-on=\"1496242011889\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_146\" class=\"row sqs-row\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_145\" class=\"col sqs-col-12 span-12\">\n<div id=\"block-bdddc1560cef932b059d\" class=\"sqs-block html-block sqs-block-html\" data-block-type=\"2\">\n<div class=\"sqs-block-content\">\n<p>Before doing that, though, I want to recount the overarching theme I shared with these groups\u2026<\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m back in St. Pete from my 10-day \u201cbook tour\u201d in Tennessee. Believe it or not, hometown friends even asked me to return to Cookeville.<em> LOL<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>I shared our story with 160 or more folks at the Alzheimer&#8217;s Tennessee conference in Knoxville and at to venues in Cookeville. On top of those, I also had two media interviews, which may come out later.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cA health crisis like Alzheimer\u2019s is often addressed by the medical community as a physical issue only. But my experience over the last two decades has shown me that Alzheimer\u2019s and many other crises\u2014health or otherwise\u2014are also embedded with emotional, psychological, and spiritual issues that must be realized and resolved as best we can if we want to have any healing. <strong>Issues like fear, guilt, stigma, confusion, bitterness, anger, depression<\/strong> \u2026 and I could go on and on.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This was true for my wife Martha and me, and I suspect it\u2019s true for many. You\u2019ll have to decide if it is for you.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_1993\" style=\"width: 330px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1993\" class=\"wp-image-1993 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"320\" height=\"240\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download.jpeg 320w, https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download-150x113.jpeg 150w, https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download-300x225.jpeg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 320px) 100vw, 320px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-1993\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">My hometown library<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Reflecting on this theme, and depending on the allotted time, I explored with these groups three of our family\u2019s experiences, which you may recognize from earlier posts:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"block-yui_3_17_2_1_1496241668815_34690\" class=\"sqs-block image-block sqs-block-image sqs-text-ready\" data-block-type=\"5\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_144\" class=\"sqs-block-content\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_143\" class=\"image-block-outer-wrapper layout-caption-below design-layout-inline\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_142\" class=\"intrinsic\">\n<div id=\"block-yui_3_17_2_1_1496241668815_34969\" class=\"sqs-block html-block sqs-block-html\" data-block-type=\"2\">\n<div class=\"sqs-block-content\">\n<ul>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/blog\/2015\/5\/20\/am-i-too-busy-to-be-still-am-i-too-important-to-be-quiet\">Meditation and the healing strength that arises from silence<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/blog\/how-learning-to-forgive-changed-my-life\">The absolute need to forgive and to let our resentments go<\/a>.<\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/blog\/2015\/5\/20\/god-loves-me-god-loves-me-not-god-loves-me-could-this-be-the-most-important-lesson-ill-ever-learn\">The movement from fear to a deep, cathartic Love<\/a>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>This is one of the first questions I was asked: <em>You said you got advice early on to be gentle with yourself, which you found so difficult. Why was it difficult for you?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>My response:<\/strong> First off, I\u2019ve been driven much of my life by an obsession that I now perceive to be a disease called \u201cperfectionism.\u201d If I didn\u2019t get something right, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/blog\/why-being-gentle-with-yourself-can-be-so-hard\">I often beat myself up<\/a>. And a volatile issue like Alzheimer\u2019s can drive even the healthiest of caregivers nuts. As soon as some stability appears, the floor can drop out from under you. This is why I keep saying to fellow caregivers, <em>\u201cIf you truly want to take care of your loved one, you must first learn to take care of yourself.\u201d<\/em> It\u2019s not easy. In fact it may be the hardest lesson a loving caregiver must learn; it seems so counter-intuitive.<\/p>\n<p>Echoing my perfectionist tendencies, Martha and I were told by <a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/blog\/2015\/5\/20\/a-spiritual-journey-doesnt-require-much-either-you-go-all-in-or-you-stay-out-thats-it\">the nun we visited in Kentucky<\/a>: \u201cYou might want to explore the difference between <em>willfulness<\/em> and <em>willingness<\/em>.\u201d It took me a long time to understand that difference. We both were stubborn and we operated in willful enterprises, Martha in politics and I as an entrepreneur publishing a magazine.<\/p>\n<p>These are a couple of the reasons that it finally dawned on me that <strong>I needed to be healed in my own way as much as Martha did in hers<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Question: <em>Much of your experience described in your book brings out the skeptic in me. Nonetheless, I\u2019m intrigued.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Answer:<\/strong> We were told by the medical community that there\u2019s no hope with Alzheimer\u2019s. Were there some chance of recovery, or at least some protracted delay of the symptoms, I doubt my readings would have been as far-reaching or our contacts and encounters as diverse. But when you\u2019re desperate to find a way out of your dilemma you\u2019ll do almost anything and go almost anywhere. By exploring the medical and spiritual outposts described in my book, I learned this about myself: \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 <a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/blog\/2015\/5\/20\/its-not-real-comfortable-outside-our-comfort-zones-is-it-but-thats-where-growth-comes\">I truly grow only when I step outside my comfort zones<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"block-yui_3_17_2_1_1496241668815_72141\" class=\"sqs-block image-block sqs-block-image sqs-text-ready\" data-block-type=\"5\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_167\" class=\"sqs-block-content\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_166\" class=\"image-block-outer-wrapper layout-caption-below design-layout-inline\">\n<div id=\"yui_3_17_2_1_1497559135847_165\" class=\"intrinsic\">\n<div class=\"image-caption-wrapper\">\n<div class=\"image-caption\">\n<div id=\"attachment_1994\" style=\"width: 448px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1994\" class=\"wp-image-1994 size-full\" src=\"http:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download-1.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"438\" height=\"292\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download-1.jpeg 438w, https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download-1-150x100.jpeg 150w, https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/download-1-300x200.jpeg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 438px) 100vw, 438px\" \/><p id=\"caption-attachment-1994\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Sharing our story at the Alzheimer&#8217;s Tennessee conference<\/p><\/div>\n<p><strong>Q: <em>Are you saying that you can damage your health by carrying resentment and not forgiving someone?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"block-yui_3_17_2_1_1496241668815_72419\" class=\"sqs-block html-block sqs-block-html\" data-block-type=\"2\">\n<div class=\"sqs-block-content\">\n<p><strong>\u00a0A: <\/strong>I\u2019m saying it can increase the odds of that occurring. I first heard such 2+2=4 logic from my mentor, the late Canon Jim Glennon, an Anglican priest in Sydney, Australia. <strong>Resentment and fear, he told me, often are drivers of stress<\/strong>. He learned this the hard way through his studies and personal experience. And medical research is bearing him out today as it reveals ever more clearly how long-term stress can damage our immune system. Until diving deep into Canon Glennon\u2019s teachings, I\u2019d always thought of forgiveness as a nice religious virtue that I could do at a time and place of my choosing, whenever it was convenient for me.<\/p>\n<p>No more.<\/p>\n<p>While listening to Canon Glennon\u2019s tapes, I was reminded of this startling statement by Frederick Buechner in his book <em>Wishful Thinking<\/em>: \u201cOf the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back\u2014in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><em>Ouch!<\/em> Suddenly the importance of forgiveness hit me square between the eyes. And Martha and I began to work on our long-held resentments. I learned quickly enough the importance of not only <strong>forgiving those who hurt me<\/strong> through the years but also of <strong>forgiving myself<\/strong> of failed efforts long past as well as for my failures in caring for Martha. That\u2019s what I mean by being gentle with myself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Q: <em>How did your children react to their mother\u2019s illness?<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>A: <\/strong>I don\u2019t have time to go into detail here; I do devote a chapter in my book <em>A Path Revealed<\/em> to their responses. Nonetheless, our children gave me the greatest gift possible\u2014a weekend a month off while they stayed with their mother; I usually went to a nearby monastery. I believe our children today support each other more than they would have otherwise. Not that I would wish such a crisis on anyone in order for the adult children to get along.<\/p>\n<p><strong>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The more I\u2019ve talked with groups, the more I refer to our 17-year struggle with Alzheimer\u2019s as an odyssey rather than a journey. The word \u201cjourney\u201d feels too tame. It feels to me like you\u2019re walking easily along a path toward some planned destination.<\/p>\n<p>An \u201codyssey\u201d in its classical sense begins when you find yourself lost in an alien land\u2014hurt, scared, and confused. You want to get back home; you\u2019re desperate to get home. You\u2019ll risk almost anything to get there, you\u2019ll endure almost anything. And you will experience things never before imagined. When you do get home, you realize that <em>home is not the same place as when you left. Nor are you the same person<\/em>. That better describes the path traveled by Martha, our children, and me.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll close with this observation that I shared with the groups in Tennessee: Twenty years ago Martha turned 50 and within three weeks was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer\u2019s. After all we went through since that diagnosis, I now understand that there\u2019s <strong>a vast difference between <em>believing in <\/em>God and in <em>believing <\/em>God<\/strong>. I\u2019ll be chewing on that insight the rest of my life.<\/p>\n<p>Thank you. It\u2019s good to be back.<\/p>\n<p>Carlen<br \/>\n<a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/\">www.carlenmaddux.com<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"mailto:carlen@carlenmaddux.com\">carlen@carlenmaddux.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>P.S.<\/strong> As usual, feel free to forward this post to your friends and family. If you\u2019d like to sign up for my blog, it\u2019s free; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.carlenmaddux.com\/newsletter2\/\">just click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>P.P.S.<\/strong> My book, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Path-Revealed-Found-Called-Alzheimers\/dp\/1612617840\/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1496159881&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=carlen+maddux\"><em>A Path Revealed: How Hope, Love, and Joy Found Us Deep in a Maze Called Alzheimer\u2019s<\/em><\/a>, can be found on Amazon or ordered from any bookstore.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div id=\"block-yui_3_17_2_1_1496241668815_126913\" class=\"sqs-block image-block sqs-block-image sqs-text-ready\" data-block-type=\"5\"><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What I Heard on My Book Tour I&#8217;m back in St. Pete from my 10-day \u201cbook tour\u201d in Tennessee. Believe it or not, hometown friends even asked me to return to Cookeville. LOL. I shared our story with 160 or &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/guest-blog-from-carlen-maddux\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1991","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-paraclete-press"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1991","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1991"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1991\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1991"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1991"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blog.paracletepress.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1991"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}